I can't go there, but where can I go?
Author
Togetherness versus Individuality!
Ubuntu is: "Loving myself and others, feeling with them but staying connected to me; both ways touch hearts uniquely.- Emma Onditi
When human connection-that sense of togetherness-is both a need and a source of strength, it tempts us to go with everyone, everywhere, even when that is not where we truly want to go. But for the sake of belonging, for the sake of togetherness, and for the sake of nurturing the spirit of Ubuntu, we often do.
Having experienced life in both the individualistic “I” and collectivist “we” communities, I find the contrast between these systems intriguing, particularly in how they meet our emotional human needs, goals, desires, autonomy, and personal development.
It all comes down to questions like:
What is my intention?
What do I need?
How do I achieve it?
My experience in both Kenya and Austria has taught me that both types of communities can serve us, depending on our needs and values.
This, again, is very individual and depends on how we respond to questions such as:
What do you really want in life?
What do you value? (Wealth, peace, freedom, community, individualism, Autonomy…)
What’s your definition of success/, fulfilling life?
What do you want to spend the rest of your life doing?
What brings out the best in you?
Today, I found myself reflecting on the struggles of my relocation journey from Kenya to Austria, from a “we”-dominated community culture to an “I”-dominated one. Once again, it became clear in real time that “belonging” and “loneliness” are among the most overwhelming challenges of migrating to a new country. And it doesn’t really matter where one is migrating to or from.
Adapting one’s attitude toward migration challenges can go a long way: being honest, staying grounded, and being clear about “I can’t go there” while also being curious about “where can I go?”
The purpose of adopting this attitude is to avoid being too shallow in one community or going too deep in another, to the point of losing one's identity. It is about gentleness and spaciousness- going in slowly, learning the culture, connecting gently with care, and eventually finding one’s spot in that community.
When finding our spot, it can be helpful to reflect on where we want to go, where we don't, and whom we want to take with us.
So, how do we find that balance? How do we create that healthy, grounded sense of belonging, while preserving our own identity?
Let’s have a conversation—I would love to hear from you.
What specific challenges have you faced or fear in your migration or cultural transition?